Grief That's Not Been Grieved: Witnessing Loss

Workshop # 53
Elizabeth Barnard

Almost everyone with a profound loss has something unresolved about the death/grieving process. Even stories of loss from years ago may need telling. We'll identify commonalities of grief, using worship, poetry, journaling and art-making to witness each person's story. For people who have lost someone or are close to someone grieving.

Percentage of time:
Worship/worship-sharing 45; Lecture 5; Discussion 5; Experiential 45

Adults only

There will be considerable worship/worship sharing, and an emphasis on creative activities that keep our inner process dynamic. My objectives are three: 1) that each person’s story gets attention, is witnessed; 2) that participants feel empowered in their lives to ask for help or say what they need; and 3) that they move toward acceptance of their loss. NOTE: while we will do lots of personal sharing, I am not a psychologist and this is not a therapy group.

We will include the following topics: what helps when we are bewildered from grief; how to break the tyranny of silence about our loved one; dealing with isolation and loneliness; what doesn’t help; how to identify what we need, ask for the help we need, and refuse unwanted offers of help. We will identify the commonalities of the grief process and hear each other’s stories of their loss and healing. Each person will have ample time to tell their story. We will have a chance to reminisce about our people.

Worship and worship sharing will be central. We will draw heavily on the Courage To Teach format (cf. Parker Palmer) of using silence, poetry and metaphor, writing, listening, artmaking and being in nature. There will be music, readings, ceremony, smudging with sage. We will include “our people” in the circle with us, and we will create a group artwork of natural objects to celebrate our loved ones. There will be time for personal reflection and time for sharing with another person. The workshop may include writing a letter to our loved one, and writing a letter to ourselves from our loved one.

Safety is of utmost importance. Each participant in this workshop MUST have a support person whom they know well available during the week, either at the Gathering or on hand by phone. And each person MUST submit a letter of intent to the workshop leader describing your situation (who died, how recently, etc.) and why you wish to be in this workshop.

Recommended readings: a book called Tear Soup, by Schwiebert and DeKlyen. Judith Viorst, Necessary Losses, the chapter on mourning. Any writings of Pema Chodron. Any poetry by Mary Oliver. I will forward recommended readings to participants before the Gathering.

Participants should bring the following: photos of your loved one; things you want to read in the group; a journal or blank book; transportable artwork (if you have any) about your loved one; small objects to include in an individual artwork; an object that brings you comfort; clothing and shoes suitable for being outdoors.