Bringing Nonviolence into Everyday Life

Workshop Number

Leader(s)

Rosy

Betz-Zall

Carol

Miller

Audience

Who may register:

Open to All (adult & high school)

Time breakdown

Experiential Activities:

70%

Lecture:

Discussion:

15%

Description

Short Description:

This workshop will transform the way people view conflict in daily life. Using the LARA method participants will develop their skills to create a space for those in conflict to develop their own solutions and to grow in their ability to act with love toward each other.

Long Description:

BRINGING NONVIOLENCE INTO DAILY LIFE - an expanded version of a one day training developed by nonviolence trainers in North America for Nonviolent Peaceforce (NP) - allows people to explore how nonviolent methods can lessen or prevent conflict – in daily life, in the community, and around the world – including during organized peace efforts.

The five-morning Gathering schedule will allow participants to gain a deep understanding of nonviolent conflict intervention (NCI) and the importance of nonpartisanship—remaining neutral while supporting the human rights of each, in keeping conflict from escalating. In the belief the Spirit enables us to see the humanness of those who are not behaving well and relate to the Light within them, there will be specific work on empathy building relevant to the Gathering theme of “Accepting Gifts of the Spirit” Relevant queries will enhance daily worship sharing.

Objectives of the workshop are:
1. To increase the centering, self-calming, and listening skills of the participants.
2. to increase our ability to look at someone whose behavior we don’t like and love them anyway.
3. to increase participant’s confidence to intervene in a conflict to help transform it so persons in conflict can solve their own problem.
4. to explore the usefulness of nonviolent conflict intervention techniques and skills in personal, community and international situations.
5. to deepen understanding of the role of nonpartisanship in creating space to resolve conflicts.
6. to introduce Nonviolent Peaceforce and its mission.
7. to increase participants’ skill levels with more advanced nonviolent conflict intervention skills and approaches similar to those used by unarmed civilian peace teams.
8. To clarify and commit to personal “next steps” as a result of this workshop.

Expectations and emphases for the week are:
 Day One: Community building and trust building.
 Days Two and Three: Clear communication skills, empathy work, beginning of LARA method developed by Bonnie Tinker for use especially during a conflict.
 Days Three,Four, and Five: Intervening in verbal conflicts and conflicts that could potentially escalate to violence.
 Each Day: Worship sharing relevant to the gifts of the Spirit in empathy building and/or understanding nonviolence as an act of love. (20 minutes). Discussion and journaling time. Break time.
. Depending upon the desires of participants we can look at more active interventions that may diffuse situations with more potential for violence.

Elements that will bring this workshop to life include: the dynamism of the community built within our group, a wide variety of hands-on exercises such as brainstorming, light and lively games, barometers, check-ins, fishbowl, hassle lines (lines of communication), LARA method created by Bonnie Tinker, role plays, inspiring stories and each participant’s background and experience – we all learn from each other – the knowledge of nonviolence is within each of us.

In order to build empathy the group will do some Common Ground exercises to get in touch with each other’s differences and similarities. Each of us comes conditioned by certain experiences, family expectations and cultures. We often expect others to use the same approaches that we use and can unintentionally show disrespect, offend people or escalate conflicts because of a lack of awareness that other people’s approaches may be different.

We believe that basic training in NCI should be as common as training in CPR. If someone has a heart attack, CPR can keep that person alive until the underlying cause of the attack can be addressed. NCI allows an individual, a relationship or a community to survive without physical or emotional injury until the underlying cause of the conflict can be resolved.

The purpose of this training is to help ordinary people learn and use basic NCI skills at the earliest stages where heated conflict threatens, situations where a nonviolent intervention would be helpful, and to help the public understand that there are effective nonviolent alternatives to military conflict intervention. We will be using materials from the one-day NCI training and some material from a Nonviolent Peaceforce regional curriculum for local peace team training that covers more topics in mor depth for people who will be functioning as local peacekeepers.

Carol and Rosy are affiliated with the U.S. Nonviolent Peaceforce Chapters Association, a Member Organization of NP. Here is that group's mission statement: "The U.S. Nonviolent Peaceforce Chapters Association nurtures a powerful network of local chapters that help Nonviolent Peaceforce build an unarmed international civilian peace force. Through working in association with other chapters and member organizations each chapter becomes a stronger advocate for Nonviolent Peaceforce, for the practice of nonviolence locally, and to create a sustainable peace throughout the world."

We will be introducing participants to Nonviolent Peaceforce an unarmed, professional civilian peacekeeping force that is invited to work in conflict zones worldwide. NP has worked in the conflict areas of Sri Lanka, the Philippines,Guatemala, and Sudan. Among other activities, it works with local groups to foster dialogue among parties in conflict, provide a proactive presence and safe spaces for civilians, and helps develop local capacity to prevent violence. Its staff includes veterans of conflict zones and experienced peacekeepers.

NP was founded in 2002 and plans to grow NP to “large scale” worldwide.This "large scale" includes developing NCI (nonviolent conflict intervention) skills all over the world. Hence this workshop. NP is supported by many Friends Meetings and individual Friends. More information at www.nonviolentpeaceforce.org.

We will be bringing some copies of “The Manual for Nonviolent Conflict Intervention” and would also like to email it to participants so they could print it out to read ahead of time and bring with them to the workshop.

This training manual includes a bibliography of nonviolence readings which could be helpful for participants as well.

Some other suggested readings:
Michael Nagler, The Search for a Nonviolent Future: A Promise of Peace for Ourselves, Our Families and the World.
Thich Nhat Hanh: Creating True Peace: Ending Violence in Yourself, Your Family, Your Community and the World and Love in Action: Writings on Nonviolent Social Change Walter Wink: Peace is the Way: Writings on Nonviolence from the Fellowship of Reconciliation; and Jesus and Nonviolence: A Third Way.

Leader Discernment Process:

Rosy’s response:
6 a. How has a leading to offer this workshop arisen within you?

The Quaker testimony of peacemaking continues to develop and with the help of the Spirit moves through each of us as we explore Nonviolence. The power of Nonviolence is the power of Love. Lately I’ve been trying to take time frequently to identify the parts of my life where I do and do not use nonviolence fully.

I grew up in a semi-rural environment. When I was 7 a farmworker came to our house and asked me if he could fill his water bucket from our outside hose. I was surprised that a grown man would ask me rather than just tell me what he was going to do. Of course I said yes, and just then my Mom came outside. She urged him to fill his bucket at the kitchen sink. Even at this age I felt that this invitation was an act of respect for the farmworker. Then, I realized that there were not water pipes in the fields and also no bathrooms. Inequality became visible.

I made my original commitment to nonviolence because in 6th grade when my teacher beat up a fellow student and I was unable to get myself to go for help because I feared she would do the same to me. Years later as I processed that experience I told myself that I would never again allow someone to be violent to another person in my presence. Since then I have often acted the "witness" role when violence threatens or breaks out. This loving witnessing often helps in reducing the violence

I was raised in a wonderful Catholic family who truly believed in working for justice mostly in reaching out to the poor. This aspect of Catholicism really spoke to my condition and I became more active in this work than other members of my large family. My history of activism started in high school and includes social justice for immigrants and farm workers (mentored by my teachers), and helping humans rebuild their relationship with the natural world, but most deeply, work for an end to war and nuclear weapons, and for a creation of a world where people embrace the skills of nonviolence as well as recognize that we all act with great nonviolence the vast majority of the time.

I have had conversations with the Quakers (and other members) of my nonviolence training collective about why each of us engages in this work, exploring our goals and motivations. These times of conversation and discernment (which often happens for me while hiking alone in the mountains) have helped deepen my realization that acting with love/nonviolence is most often a slow development by increments over time in someone's life.

I believe that one step at a time, one prayer at a time, one person at a time the world moves closer to the ideals of respect and justice for all. This will only happen when conflicts are resolved with love and nonviolence. I believe the Spirit is what enables us to look at someone we don’t like and love them anyway. It allows us to see the humanness of those who are not behaving well and relate to the Light within them. In a workshop the participants own background and experiences are great assets and we each learn from each person in the workshop. The knowledge of nonviolence is within each one of us.

The training work I have done has contented my heart while calling on every part of me to give it my best. This work has felt like a true leading for over 30 years.

c.: Do you expect to have a companion in the ministry (which some call an “elder’) attend the workshop?

Rosy’s and Carol’s response
6.c. At this time we have no plans to invite a specific elder except to the workshop We will be asking to be held in the Light by our respective Meetings. My co-facilitator and I intend to be mindful of our need to focus and center in worship throughout the training We are delighted that FGC is offering us a "Buddy" for the workshop. It will be wonderful to have logistical and spiritual help from that friend. Someone served as a companion in the ministry for Rosy when she led the Council of All Beings for Quarterly Meeting in September 2009 and it was a wonderful experience.

Leader Experience:

Rosy’s response:
I started giving nonviolence trainings 32 years ago under the mentorship of David Hartsough. In the last 25 years many have been sponsored by Fellowship of Reconciliation or by University Friends Meeting.

For the last 10 years most workshops have centered on helping people develop skills of peacekeeping for violence reduction at political events-which sometimes included the teaching of more advanced nonviolent techniques where people learn the skills of unarmed peacekeeping. The main tool peacekeepers use is the skill of listening deeply and connecting from their heart to the person who might be getting out of control. In order to do this they need to learn how to remain centered in “hot” situations and to know that there is ‘that of God’ (however they describe it)) in each person.

Other workshops I've facilitated have included many on the history and practice of nonviolence, community building, cooperative games, communication skills, conflict resolution for individuals and groups, group process and facilitation, campaign building and the Movement Action Plan.

Here are 2 examples from my most recent trainings: In late September, 2009, I guided a Council of All Beings (a deep ecology experience written up by Joanna Macy and John Seed in the book “Thinking Like a Mountain”) for Pacific Northwest Quarterly Meeting. There were 70 people attending the Council from age 2-90. With the input of a small planning committee we set up a wonderful experience that managed to continually re-engage the interest of the smallest children because the teens and adults spoke from the heart. This really stretched my facilitation skills to set it up and run the hour and a half session with such a wide range of ages. People joyfully embraced the underlying concept of speaking from a sense of worship sharing.

In early September I co-facilitated a 12 hour, one day training of trainers in Calgary, Canada sponsored by the Nonviolent Peaceforce. The other trainer was Madelyn McKay, a Canadian Quaker. She and I have been working with other trainers volunteering with the Nonviolent Peaceforce in creating a manual of a curriculum on Nonviolent Conflict Intervention. The training included pair sharing of deep listening, work on self calming in order to remain centered when dealing with conflict, teaching the LARA method invented by Bonnie Tinker to reduce conflict and connect from the heart with someone with whom you are in conflict.

Carol’s response:
9.
For several years I was affiliated with the Bucks County (PA) Peace Center as a conflict resolution trainer until the early nineties. I was selected for and worked with teams of other trainers in a variety of school settings in the public school system. The trainings and consultations included basic conflict resolution, training teachers to teach conflict resolution as well as doing mediation for disputes among school personnel. Here, I grew in my ability to interact with professionals and students around various issues and conflicts.

Another element in my growth all through my adult life has been interacting with the disability community. The impetus for this was primarily my son, Douglas, a person with Down syndrome. Often, I have been selected for a leadership role of one sort or another. The first was in 1966 when I was selected to be secretary of the board of directors of Tidewater (VA) Association for Retarded Children which sent me to a leadership training. A friend encouraged me for to apply for a position as Executive Secretary of Loudoun County (VA) Association for Retarded Children. I worked in that position for 4 years. Later, I became coordinator of Mental Retardation Services for the Allegheny Highlands (Va) Community Services Board. Eventually, I worked as a health care advocate for people with disability. In these and other roles over a 40 year time span, I came to realize, I have studied, learned and taught about community, conflict and its resolution.

While most of these roles were not specifically training, many involved doing training such as staff orientation trainings, volunteer trainings, and in public speaking, trying to educate groups to the needs of persons with disability. I learned how to interact with a broad spectrum of people around the issues that concerned people with disability and their families. At one point I developed a module for direct care staff to use when faced with a conflict in a groups home or sheltered workshop.

I had the good fortune not to go to college straight out of high school so that by the time my own children were in high school, I knew what I wanted in higher education. I sought degrees in Sociology (with a focus on issues related to mental retardation) and Special Education (where I developed a training module to guide elderly caregiving parents in developing support networks for themselves and their children.) During the past 10 years, I have advocated successfully for a living and working arrangement for Douglas that is unique and demonstrates the values identified in the training manual mentioned above. I continue with an effort to educate other families to the possibilities.

I think what I am trying to say here is that for me training is not simply an isolated activity but something that grows out of and becomes part of one’s life. The community of disability is just where I happened to do most of this until I discovered the peace movement and more specifically, Nonviolent Peaceforce.