A Conversation on Grief, Death, and Dying: A Resource for Friends during COVID-19

Part One released April 22nd, 2020, Part Two and Bonus Track released May 7th, 2020.

As the COVID-19 infection rate continues to climb, and people we care about become ill or lose their lives as a result of the pandemic, FGC decided to talk to three Quaker chaplains about grief, death, and dying.

In this first episode of a two-part limited series, the chaplains talk about how COVID-19 has drastically transformed their work, and suggestions for what to say (and what not to say) to a person who has lost a loved one due to the novel coronavirus.

In the second episode of the series, Blake, Lari, and Carl talk about some of the practicals of planning for serious illness and death, including advice on how to prepare for an extended hospital stay (and why an advance care directive is important), ways to talk to children about death, planning a virtual memorial, and how to comfort families who are grieving the death of a loved one. The chaplains also share their perspectives on how the COVID-19 pandemic has further reinforced and exposed systemic oppression.

Hosted by Marta Rusek (pronouns she/her), featuring Blake Arnall (he/him), Lari Keeler (they/them), and Carl Magruder (he/him).

Click the SoundCloud players below to listen to each episode, plus a special bonus track. Keep scrolling for additional resources.

Additional Resources for Friends

Many thanks to Blake Arnall, Lari Keeler, and Carl Magruder for sharing (and in some instances creating) the resources below.

How-To Guides

• Dying with Dignity Canada: Making An Advance Care Plan (for Canadian residents)
• Five Wishes - a guide to preparing an Advance Directive and how to talk about it with loved ones
• PREPARE Advance Directive - create an Advance Directive document based on your state's guidelines (for U.S. residents)
• Zoom Memorial Meeting for Unprogrammed Friends by Carl Magruder

Hospice and Grieving Resources from Organizations

• Coalition for Compassionate Care of California - Palliative Care and Hospice Care Resources
• The Conversation Project - A website for talking with family about end of life choices
• The Dougy Center - Supporting children in grief
• Zen Caregiving Project - Changing how we think of dying

Further Reading

• Contemplating Morality, from On Being
• Death during a pandemic: virtual shiva calls and funerals without mourners, from The Jewish News of Northern California
• Reframing Our Relationship to That We Don’t Control, from On Being